The Neverending Quest to Find your Tribe.

"You can't be your best self until you find your tribe. I'm still looking for mine" 

- Lily Rabe as Misty Day

I've been talking about this a lot lately with several different people, so I have a feeling it's a pretty universal struggle. Lately as I've really amped up my quest for self-improvement or self-enlightenment or whatever the flip you want to call it, I've become really aware of the importance of "finding your tribe" 

Now let me define my use of "tribe" here for you, so we're all on the same page.

Tribe: A group of people who loves and supports you and your dreams, and will do anything in their power to help you achieve said dreams.

I am a firm believer that the people you surround yourself with greatly impact your life and daily well being. I think everyone knows what its like to have a friend/coworker/acquaintance who is just constantly negative. I know for me personally being around constant negativity is just a recipe for disaster because it takes almost no time at all and suddenly I'm feeling glum and negative for LEGITIMATELY no reason. Granted I've gotten a bit better throughout the years of limiting my exposure to these kind of people for prolonged periods of time.

When you surround yourself with people who you can openly and passionately discuss anything with - whether its anything from your hopes and dreams, to that really great episode of Toddlers and Tiaras you watched yesterday - and it's met with excitement and just a straight up supportive and open heart. It's amazing what can come from that.

I grew up as a teenager feeling very alone and like a misfit. I retreated into black baggy clothes and "punk" rock - and found myself just despising all the bright and shiny kids at school. Now looking back in reality - things weren't as they seemed. I had amazingly supportive parents (even though that was back when I would butt heads with my Dad on a pretty regular basis - he just didn't UNDERSTAND ME... I hope you can hear how hard I'm rolling my eyes here. In hindsight I was just being dramatic - which is something that is unlikely to change from my personality). But what I truly lacked in this stage of my life was a really close knit group of friends. 

Sure I had friends and I'm still close with a few of them now. Honestly though they were school friends, and the majority of them were out of necessity. The "I need a friend in this class otherwise the semester/year will be awful" type of friendship, with no real substance to it aside from in class chit chat.

I think it's funny because the majority of men I know have had the same best friends since they can remember. Cradle to the grave, from birth to earth, etc. I truly believe that women are not like this. I personally am constantly adjusting my group of friends. Distancing myself from those who are unsupportive, or who don't believe in me and my dreams. And feeding the relationships that enrich my life on such a deep level.

There's a poem I found once - heck let me insert it here for you 

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed or just felt. They have come to assist you through a hard time, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Then, suddenly, the person disappears from your life. Your need has been met; their work is done.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share or grow or give back. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They give you great joy. Believe it; it is real. But only for a season.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons—things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all your other relationships.
Think about the people in your life over the years. Whether they were there for a reason, a season or a lifetime, accept them and treasure them for however long they were meant to be part of your life.
And when they are gone, be thankful for the gifts you received from them when they were here—for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

I've done my best to try to keep this in my mind as I've had to either let go of people, or just accept that a friendship had run its course.

I'm very grateful for all the people who have come through my life at one point or another because every single one of them has helped shape me into the person I am today.

I'm getting a little off of my point which is par for the course.

I like to call my tribe my "Coven" mostly because I think it's funny and fitting for me as a person. My tribe is full of people who I hold near and dear to my heart. They know who they are, the people I can confide in, the ones who are unwaveringly supportive, who will smile and tell me I'm crazy but follow that with "whatever makes you happy", non-judgmental in all the ways that count (unless I eat a whole pie in one sitting - then I'm judging myself too). 
My tribe is full of people who come from different locations and backgrounds, they don't all know each other, and come from many different compartments of my life. 

I can really only hope for everyone reading this that you have found your tribe, or that you are actively seeking it - because let me tell you, there is nothing quite like the feeling of when a very special group of feeling has your back. 

This one goes out to my tribe.

To all members past, present, and future.

Without each and every single one of you who knows where I would be right now.

Life IS Beautiful

So years ago I got this tattoo in Vegas with my Dad. Most people know by now that I had scanned a pair of underwear I got at a Motley Crue concert to bring this reference in. I really liked the design and I really did think I truly believed that Life was indeed Beautiful. 

Well to be quite honest I've looked down at this tattoo a lot over the past several years and not really believed it. Don't get me wrong I certainly don't regret the tattoo and I always thought it was a pretty sentiment but it just really wasn't something I felt deep down anymore. Not with all the shitty blows that life has decided to chuck at me. 

It's taken a while - and I maybe won't feel this way every single day (but I can try to!) but I finally feel like I can finally believe it again. Like this whole time this tattoo has been sitting here just whispering to me "you might not believe me right now. But you will. Patience"

Life is truly what you make it constant negativity brings nothing but negative things (I've seen that first hand) people willing to just take a seat in life and expect the worst receive that - the worst. Because they refuse to acknowledge the tiny victories life brings 

And recognizing tiny victories is a great skill. Maybe you got some extra foam in your latte this morning (I love latte foam!) or maybe your car wasn't iced up into a solid brick of ice like the rest of the cars on the block. 

Expecting life to just hand you everything you want is unrealistic. But being open to the doors the universe may crack open for you is a Beautiful thing. 

Being positive all the time is exhausting for everyone and those around you but being willing to put a positive spin on everything can only enrich your life. I will never forget (and maybe I've mentioned it before) but growing up my Grandma had a tiny quote taped to the mirror in her basement bathroom that said "No one ever went blind from looking on the bright side of things" and that's always stuck with me through the darkest of times. For instance just today I noticed someone had stolen one of my hand made skull ghost Halloween decorations that I LOVE. There were footprints in the snow and everything someone actively took it. I won't lie. I was pretty choked - livid even for a moment. How dare someone just help themselves to my ghost. So I flipped it. In reality I can make another ghost for probably around $15 or maybe even cheaper. So I told myself that this individual saw my ghosts and figured they were just so amazing that they HAD to have one in their life. It's a small thing but it makes me feel better. 

Life's all in the details. The good stuff sneaks up on you. 

(Also I apologize for any typos - I typed this on my phone in the bath halfway terrified of dropping my brand new phone in the water. But these thoughts can't wait)

Adulthood is a lie

As kids you know one thing for certain: Your parents know everything. They have life figured out, are basically the most responsible human beings on the planet – and will likely one day bequeath the handbook of life to you, most likely somewhere around the age of 20.

Let’s face it – if we as kids had any inkling to how much our parents were winging it, struggling to make ends meet (sidebar: when I hear this phrase I hear it as “ends meat” and imagine it being some sort of bargain meat people need to feed their family when funds are tight) or just making up bullshit answers to our questions in general – our little worlds would spin off into chaos.

We grow up thinking that we’ll go to school, maybe go to university or college, then immediately get a decent job that will allow us to move out from under the umbrella of our parents, and then we will find someone to spend our lives with and pump out some children of our own. Okay while the plan may differ from person to person you get what I’m saying. At some point you go from being a kid who has no idea which end is up to suddenly having your life together.

Well imagine the surprise that every upper middle class 20-something gets smacked with when you realize that there IS no manual, and being an “adult” is just a series of haphazard decisions made that sometimes result in some harsh life lessons.

The fact of the matter is no one has a clue what they’re doing. Your parents always seem to have the answers strictly because they have 25+ years of life experience on you – they’ve lived to make mistakes – and to learn from them. My advice to kids in high school is always “give your parents some credit – they usually know what they’re talking about” I know I personally have thought “I should have just listened to my parents” on more than one occasion.

On the same note – they’re people too. They’re not superheroes. They get scared and overwhelmed just as much as you or I do. They’re just doing their best, that’s all they’ve ever done.  As someone who is now of “adulating” age and now on the other side of the childhood spectrum – I see all my friends with kids just trying to do their best on a daily basis. Some days that’s a little more and some it’s a little less. In 20 years their children won’t remember the days when it was a little less, but they will remember feeling loved and secure.

As per usual my post has spun off into a completely new direction but I’m going to try to get back to the point. My point.

My point is – as a twenty-something, HECK, THIRTY-SOMETHING you do NOT have to have it all figured out. At some point you need to let go of that insane idea you had as a child that because your parents may or may not have “had their act together” (I can almost promise you they didn’t) that you have to. It will NEVER be too late to change your path in life because things aren’t what you want. Maybe we would all have a little less grey hair if we didn’t put a deadline on life.  (jk – I like my silver strands – and who doesn’t love a silver fox)

For clarification: I’m not talking to the people who have no ambition to get out in the world and get a job. To those people – pretty sure McDonalds is always hiring. Get off your ass and do something. You need a deadline – and probably some grey hairs.