So I’m just going to go out on a limb and assume I am not
the only person this happens to – You know that feeling you get when you’re
doing something super amazing and exciting, usually a vacation or some type of
holiday. And everything in you is screaming “Enjoy every moment of this!”
except for that one little thought that creeps up from the depths and the back
of your subconscious that pipes up in a small, barely audible voice and says “Your
good time is almost over.... then you have to go home. And you know what is
waiting for you there? Depression”
This little voice is an asshole. And I’m not talking full
blown depression, not the really serious - struggle with it on the daily –
depression, the post vacation/holiday/thing you were looking REALLY forward to
depression. That feeling of complete and utter “Now what?” sadness.
This little voice immediately sucks the fun out of whatever
moment it occurred in. Have you guys seen Inside out yet? You know when Sadness
touches the happy memories and they suddenly turn blue? THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT
HAPPENS. I actually relate a TON to that movie, who doesn’t?
I’m not saying it flat out ruins what I’m doing but it
definitely casts a cloud over the remainder of whatever I’m doing. I know I’m not the only person this happens
to.
I really like to think of myself as an optimist most of the
time. I’ve carefully trained my brain to respond to most situations in a “It
could be worse,” or “Hey, ____ this is happening because of this crummy thing
that happened!” type of manner. And it has become an amazing survival skill.
Don’t get me wrong, my old pessimistic side rears its ugly head every once in a
while, it’s that asshole with the tiny voice.
There are days when yes, I want to just sit and wallow and
indulge myself in some selfish behavior. If I’m being completely honest though,
it’s not even days. It’s hours. If all my hours of therapy taught me one thing
it was honoring your feelings and indulging yourself, and not feeling guilty
about it. And amazingly when I make an active effort to take stock of how I’m
feeling, those sad feelings dissipate way quicker than my old method of
bottling them up. And those days of feeling sad, turn into a half an hour of
just hiding in the basement with my dog and just crying it out. Then I feel
better. No not 100% better, things will
never be 100% better. There will always
be that piece of sadness I carry with my absolutely everywhere I go. But along with that sadness is also a million
reasons to smile and be happy and grateful.
I 100% believe happiness is a choice you make some days. It’s
really easy to take the easy way out and blame the world for your struggles.
Maybe it’s the stubborn in me (there’s a lot of stubborn in me) or maybe it’s
because I am my father’s daughter – but instead of taking the easy way out,
instead of telling yourself you can’t. Why not prove everyone wrong and show
the world you can? Why not take an opportunity where the world expects you to
fall down, and get back up?
Here’s the thing. People tune out the wallowing. I
personally loathe sympathy-seekers. And pity? I want nothing to do with it. The
constant complainers and attention seekers are the first ones to get hidden on
Facebook. Pity seeking is a black hole, it sucks you and everyone around you into
it. Pity does no one any good. Listen, I’m
not talking about empathy – that is a whole different ball game. I am a major supporter of empathetic people,
because I am one. People’s moods and
feelings greatly affect me. If you’re having a crummy bummed out day, you had
better believe that after we spend an hour together my mood will mirror yours.
If you’re super excited and pumped about something, give it a few minutes and I
will be too.
Well as per usual I hopped on here to talk about this weird
funky mood I’ve had for the past couple days/weeks. And have fallen down the
rabbit hole, changed topics completely then climbed back out the rabbit hole.
And guess what? I feel better. I'm not going to go back and read it, so sorry if it makes no sense. Welcome to my brain.
This is really cheap therapy.
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